Call me by your name, and maybe I’ll call you when I’m home. | Sex Edition 2025

I met Matteo while studying abroad in Rome. 

He was sweet and charming, 6-foot-2, trilingual, dark-featured, and quintessentially Italian. 

Throughout the two months I lived in Rome’s Trastevere, I saw Matteo often. He was my travel guide and I was his American arm candy. He coached my Italian and I coached his English. He rolled my first cigarette, which we smoked on a marble bench overlooking the Roman Forum. It wasn’t uncommon for me to come to class bleary-eyed, having stayed up late talking with him until the sky turned grey.

We both knew it couldn’t last. My flight was round-trip, and I would be returning to rainy Seattle sooner rather than later. Nevertheless, I was head over heels, and when the time came, letting go was much harder than I thought. 

I said goodbye to Matteo with a puff of his cigarette and one last kiss in the shadow of the Colosseum. 

I looked back, and he did not. 

The study abroad experience is characterized by novelty. New sights to see, new foods to taste, and new places to go. Not to mention, a whole new dating pool. There is an undeniable allure to a study abroad fling, it’s almost cinematic, bordering on cliche. Even more alluring is the potential for a tumultuous international love affair. 

However, no study abroad lasts forever. Those who choose to put themselves out there must confront reality and ask themselves: Is it worth the effort, and is there anything to gain from the experience other than memories? 

Buddhist monk and poet Thích Nhất Hạnh said, “It is not impermanence that makes us suffer. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.”

The Buddhist concept of impermanence argues that human suffering is caused by clinging to temporary things. This perspective invites us to appreciate the present moment while it lasts, rather than dreading its departure. 

In the words of writer W. Somerset Maugham: “Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.”  

We don’t always date for the result. Sometimes the process is enough. 

I spoke with Dr. Valerie Manusov, a professor in the UW communication department. Manusov researches interpersonal and intercultural communication, and has managed two study abroad programs in Rome. 

She said that when boundaries are clearly communicated, short-term flings like these can deepen the cultural experience and provide valuable learning experiences. 

“When you’re studying abroad, you’re stepping out of your normal life already,” Manusov said. “This is an opportunity to try on different ways of being, see what’s important to you, and just make memories.” 

Fourth-year marine biology student Julia Knopf learned that firsthand while studying in South Africa. 

“When you meet someone in a different country and you really connect, you feel like it’s the one,” she said. “You soon learn that in reality it’s not.”

She said that her relationship had its ups and downs, but she doesn’t regret giving it a shot. 

“I learned that you can still care for someone, even after having a long relationship,” she said, “I do think I needed that.” 

My connection with Matteo may have been temporary, but its impact hasn’t been. It might have been easier to spend all my time with my American classmates while fraternizing with whatever strangers approached me in the skeezy bar across the street from campus. Instead, I left Rome having learned more about myself, dating, and Italian culture than I ever could have hoped to learn in a classroom.  

After returning to Seattle’s grey skies and subpar pasta, I spent a month mourning the end of my foreign romance. Eventually, I decided to give American boys another try and went on a date with a cute boy I met on Hinge. 

That boy is now my boyfriend, and I’ve never been happier. 

I have Matteo to thank for that. He showed me what I want and deserve in a partner. He showed me what it feels like to be with someone who sees me in my entirety. He showed me how to know when a spark could become a flame. 

Because of Matteo, I met the man I love. For that, I have no regrets and feel nothing but gratitude. 

No study abroad lasts forever, and everyone’s experience is different, but one thing remains the same: it is what you make of it. Nothing more, nothing less. 

I don’t talk to Matteo anymore, but I still think of him often. I think of watching lights reflect off the Tiber River at night. I think of the taste of negroni. I think of long talks on cobblestone streets until 2 a.m. 

So is a study abroad fling worth the trouble?

Maybe, maybe not. But you’ll never know unless you try. At the very least, you might learn a thing or two before you say “arrivederci.”

Reach writer Connor Zamora at [email protected]. X: @cgzamora02

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